My favourite moment of “Diana” was…

…when it finished.

Oh dear, is that too harsh ?

Yes?

Oh well, too bad.

I am a (self-styled) reviewer, so I must not lack moral courage when it is called for.

“Diana” is actually so bad that you almost have to see it.  Well, that was our logic, daughter dearest and I.  We had read several highly critical reviews that painted the movie in such a poor light that it became a “must see how bad bad can be” challenge.

And “Diana ” did not disappoint.

It is pedestrian, the acting is wooden, and Naomi Watts doesn’t look a bit like the late Diana, despite the film’s poster.  Ms Watts has got the voice and the simpering-peeping-up-from-fluttery-eyelash-look off to perfection, but that’s about it.

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I am not at all sure what the point of the film is.

If it is to present the late Princess of Wales in a favourable light it is beyond a flop.

Diana comes across as needy, selfish, immature, irrational, stupid, beyond self-centred, manipulative.  You cannot for one moment like this woman, who tips off the press to her jaunts and then flees in shock-horror-tears when it all gets a bit too much.

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She shops, she jogs, she plays the piano, she spends a lot of time complaining and calling people in the middle of the night to cry on their shoulder.

She practices in advance That Comment About Charles and Camilla that she makes in her infamous TV interview.  She practises in front of one of those mirrors with light bulbs –  the sort actresses have in their theatre dressing room.

And she falls in love with a nice Pakistani heart surgeon, Hasnat Khan.  Though why she does is a bit of a mystery.   He is nice enough but hardly jaw-droppingly good-looking, is presumably not rich, given the size (and state) of his flat.  He drinks beer, smokes, loves junk food and watches footy on the telly and has the messiest flat you could hope never to see.  A regular bloke, in other words.

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But love does funny things to you, apparently, so Diana does the dishes and Hoovers and other such nonsense, so that’s all right.

She also goes to Pakistan, so there’s a nice feel-good ethnic-y bit, where she sips tea with her (alas not)-to-be in-laws.  Our Delhi audience gave a knowing laugh when we meet the stern-faced, steely-eyed, unsmiling Mrs. Khan, as in Hasnat’s mother, who is dead-set against the relationship, we are told, and lectures Diana about the horrors of Partition.  (That was about the only moment I felt sorry for her)

Oh, hang on, just remembered one moment that made me smile.

Diana goes to all kinds of lengths to try and hide her relationship with Mr. Khan, such as wearing a wig and smuggling him into Kensington Palace hidden under a rug in the back of her car.

As she speeds past the cops on security duty at the Palace, one of them comments that the line of the car implies it is carrying more weight than normal.
“About 80 kg”, one guesses, “One Pakistani heart surgeon” and they laugh, not at all unpleasantly.

And that is about as genuinely funny/smile-worthy as it gets.  For the rest, it’s a cringe-fest.

Diana wearing yellow rubber gloves to do the dishes.

Diana criticising Hasnat’s English.

Diana meeting Hasnat in a Chicken Cottage fast food outlet.

Diana…

Oh you know what?  Just go watch this dreadful movie for yourself.

Beats me why a nice footy loving bloke like Mr. Khan would put up with her antics for more than 10 minutes.

Poor chap.

Recommended for all the wrong reasons.

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